... As evident in my very poor choice of words for the title of this entry. The airport lost my luggage. I want my stuff back. I wish I spoke French so I don't have to feel so left out. Call it materialism, but I don't feel like myself when I don't have my stuff. I need my things to remind me of my identity, the type of clothes I wear, the type of music I have, the different products I put on my chubby little face. What we use to identify ourselves is especially important when it comes to what type of person you are and what types of people you associate yourself with. Without my stuff, without my identity, I really didn't feel like meeting people on , especially people who had their stuff. Oh, and I'm sad because the letter "E" fell out of the keyboard on my laptop :(
On the first few days, I was a bit deterred I wasn't going to make friends and connect with people. Compared to the other people, I felt like I was this undeveloped girl who didn't really have a good grasp on life. Everybody here seems to make friends so fast, and talk about a hundred subjects a minute, I had trouble getting people to respond to my questions, which is the only way I know how to get a conversation going. And there were tall people, and there were white people. There were also tall, white people, people I wasn't used to being around, people that make me nervous. I don't think other people have such a problem meeting other people. I guess I'm one of those people who have to try harder to make friends, sometimes it's hard for me to open up and try and connect with people. This year taught me the walls I built around myself are wide and deep; and looking back, I've always had them.
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2 comments:
The funny thing is, I think everyone has trouble making friends--real friends. I think some people don't have any at all. Other people might be more willing to "front" (haha :) so that it seems like they are really approachable, likable, etc. while in reality, they are just as walled off and lonely and you or I.
Do you ever feel like you know yourself better when you are alone? Not just physically by yourself but, in a way I guess estranged from other people, the world around you. Its like only then do you know who you are.
I always feel like I am more of myself when I am by myself. I get anxious when I feel like I have to talk to the other person. But while we know ourselves be when we are alone, not a lot of distractions, we can't live life alone.
I guess we could live life our way a little more if we were alone because we'll get perspective on what we really want. But a life lived alone isn't much of a life. People need people, sailor jupiter taught me that.
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